Diary of a Space Pirate Introduction and Housekeeping

So this is technically last week's story. Which means I should have another one posted by Saturday. Let's see how well that works out, shall we? I like epistolary stories... well I like writing them anyway. I like unreliable narrators. I like writing with someone's bias other than my own. This story also has a lot of jargon. I love jargon. I love making up tidbits about fictional worlds and having characters talk about them as if they were real.

Hey remember last week's story? The one about the salesman? There will be more of it someday. I just got a little pressed for time and last week the imaginary deadline of Saturday night that I make for posting my stories meant a lot more to me than it did this week. So I will finish it someday, and it will probably be as underwhelming as the first part.

In my defense for this story being posted late, I would like to say I have been doing a lot of non-short story writing lately (specifically screenwriting), and because it's generally of a more time sensitive nature, it comes first.

Anyway, I hope you like this week's (and by that, of course I mean last week's) story. It involves space and pirates and diaries. I don't want to say too much more, because it involves precious little else and to say more would make reading the story unnecessary.

Diary of a Space Pirate

March 18, 5035

I've decided. I'm going to do it. I 'm going to become a Space Pirate. This decision has been a long time coming, but I feel confident about it. This is the right thing to do. Tomorrow morning, I'm heading down to the Space Dock, I'm going to find the surliest band of interstellar buccaneers I can find, and I'm joining up. I've spent 22 years on this station and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the monotony. I'm tired of doing the same thing every day. My new life starts tomorrow!

March 19, 5035

Today was the worst! And I'm still not a Space Pirate! I couldn't make it down to the Space Dock this morning because I had to help Mom change her radiation filter, which should've only taken 10, maybe 30 minutes tops, but she had the wrong requisition form, so when I got to the Supply Depot, they gave me the wrong part. I didn't figure this out until after about 15 minutes of trying to get the filter in the slot. So I had to take the part back, get a new form from the Supply Chief, who gave me all kinds of shit about making sure the forms are right before processing them. Then when I got back to the Supply Depot, they were closed for lunch, so I had to wander around the commissary for, like, half and hour waiting for them to get back. While I was doing that I saw Jenny. She was with Dale.

When the Depot opened up again, I got the part, went home and got it installed. Of course by the time that was done, the battle station alarm started sounding, so I had to go man an ion turret to help repel a fleet of Keldraxon raiders (which took forever)! Anyway, when the all clear sounded, it was about 5:45, and all the good pirate ships would've left the dock at that point. So I just went down to the Rec Deck and played some Sky Ball with a bunch of drunk Lajildans. They stunk, both at Sky Ball, and literally. I guess bathing is a concept that they haven't really embraced as a species. I know the Cultural Neutrality Act says we're not supposed to directly interfere with other species' way of life, but seriously, soap never killed anyone. Anyway, tomorrow, I'm becoming a Space Pirate.

March 20, 5035

Good news on the Space Pirate front. I didn't make it down to the Space Dock again today, but while I was in line to get my repeater carbine (the Keldraxon's snuck a battalion of Infiltrator Cyborgs into the station somehow... lame!), I ran into Landon Drangelo. He was back on Station after doing a couple hauls of Long Cordine with the Space Force, and he said while he was out in the dark, they worked with a smuggler named Paul who once flew with the Blue Armada, the scourge of the 8 Free Spaces. Apparently Paul used to be really hardcore Blue and told all kinds of crazy stories about his time as a pirate. Anyway, Landon said Paul would probably be stopping by the station in a couple of weeks to get some work done on his ship and Landon said he'd introduce me!

This is great news! I can't think of any band of pirates better to join than the Blue Armada. They practically invented space pirating. I don't want to get too excited, Landon said he's been out of the game for a while, and it's just a meeting, but still... If I can show Paul that I'm good Space Pirate material, maybe he can point me in the direction of a recruiter and I could get on one of the smaller ships, like the Mallard or Rusty Pickles... or the Silver Lady. How awesome would that be? No. Small steps. I'm not going to get on the flagship right off the Station... but what if I did? I'm too excited to sleep. This is happening!

March 22, 5035

I'm trying to think of things I could do to impress Paul. I want him to see me and think "This kid should be a pirate." I thought about getting a tattoo, but I think I want to get my first tattoo on ship or in prison, I think that will make it more meaningful. I have started dressing more piratically though. I went to the Clothing Outlet and picked out a vest. It's pretty dashing if I do say so myself. I've also started making a hat.

Oh, when I was at the Clothing Outlet, Jenny was working. She acted like she didn't see me, but I know she did because she was the one who checked me out. I told her I was going to be a Space Pirate and then I asked her if Dale had ever been a Space Pirate. She didn't have anything to say to that, but I could see in her eyes that she was really regretting dumping me. Well it's too late for her. When I'm off jetting around the Lester Quadrant, I'll have a girlfriend in every port and none of them will be Jenny.

March 24, 5035

Only a few more days until Paul gets here and I have a big decision to make; robot monkey or robot parrot. The monkey seems like an obvious choice. It has hands so it can pick things up like credit chips, or pistols, or bottles of rum, but the parrot... that's pretty quintessentially pirate. I can teach it all kinds of phrases and songs. Plus my shoulders aren't very broad, so I think a parrot would fit better. A monkey would just make my head look small by comparison. Although I could teach the monkey to pick pockets. But a parrot can fly. It's a hard choice.

Ok, well I've got to go, it sounds like the Keldraxons are attacking the station again. Those guys are the worst.

March 29, 5035

Paul didn't show up today but I really wish he had. He would've got to witness a pretty piratey display. I was walking through the engineering deck, taking my newly finished hat for a test run (it looks really good), and I saw Dale eating lunch with some other engineering techs. He saw me too because he said something like, "Nice hat, Kyle". At first I thought he was being serious, it is a nice hat, but then it occurred to me that he was being sarcastic, still, I thought it'd be better to avoid any unnecessary conflict, so I just kept walking. But Dale didn't stop talking. "What's it supposed to be, a loser cap?" At that point I knew he was trying to insult me, I mean I'm sure Jenny had told Dale about our encounter from the previous week at which point I thought I made clear my intentions of being a Space Pirate, so really there's no way he could've been ignorant of what the purpose of the hat was. I turned around to face Dale and let him have it; "This is a Space Pirate hat." That shut him up. I was the clear victor of that conflict. So I walked off, knowing that I had gotten the better of him. Then one of his idiot friends, butted in. "I'm pretty sure it's a loser cap," he said and they all laughed. But I laughed last.

After they had all gone back to their engineering terminals, I summoned a maintenance bot to wax the floor outside their hub, so when their shifts ended three hours later, they probably slipped and slid all over the place.

March 33, 5035

Well Paul finally showed up. He was not what I expected and to be honest, I'm not sure if he ever really flew with the Blue Armada. I mean, he kind of looked like a pirate, but he didn't have any tattoos, and I don't think he'd recognize a quality robot parrot if one released it's refuse oil all over his shoulder, which, incidentally mine did, twice. Landon and I met him at a Beverage Allocation Center close to the docks and they chatted for a bit. It was pretty crowed because of the March 33 Celebrations (Happy Border Day by the way. Fight On Ye Stalwart Longshippers!) so it was hard to carry on a decent conversation, but when it came time for me to ask him about being a Space Pirate he just laughed at me, which I thought was rude, even for a pirate. Anyway, I bet he doesn't know anyone in the Blue so he acted like he wouldn't help me so he wouldn't have to spill the beans in front of Landon.

Anyway, I'm giving on the idea of Space Pirating for now. Which is just as well, probably since the Keldraxon's have taken over the station and they have a pretty strict policy against Pirates. Which reminds me, I should go visit Jenny in the infirmary. She was shot in the leg during the invasion, so they're going to fit her for a robotic one. I wonder if she likes parrots.